My friend Brianna invited me to go out to dinner last night. Brianna and I have known each other since pre-school. We went to elementary school together, up until fourth grade... I transferred schools after my fourth grade year because the schools in the area weren't challenging me enough. They wanted me to grade papers when I finished my work early, as opposed to giving me more challenging work.

I started a brand new school in the next town over and continued to go to school in that town until I graduated high school. I rarely saw my old friends, but I made new ones.

I always stop by Brianna's house when I'm in town. Her family has always been a second family to me, despite only seeing them a few times a year.

"We're going out to dinner tonight," Brianna said to me. "You should come- you'll know everyone there."

I hesitated to say yes. It'd been years since I'd seen some of these girls, and I'm really a homebody. I'm not a fan of putting myself in uncomfortable situations, and I felt like this would be uncomfortable. I'd be an outsider because these girls had been together for years and years...and I was the lone girl who went to a different school, chose a completely different path in life and had been through some stuff that most people never go through- or at least, most of them wait until they're middle-aged.

"You should go!" my mom said. "You'll have fun. Your dad and I will watch AJ tonight. You need to go out."

Defeated, I said I'd go. I went home, got ready, and then went back to Brianna's house so I could follow her to the restaurant.

A few of the girls were surprised to see me. A few of the girls didn't even recognize me.

"What have you been up to?" they all asked me.

"Well, in a nutshell... I left three and a half years ago, I've lived in Texas, California, Texas again, and now I live in Georgia. Got married, had a baby, got divorced. I'm in the military, love my job, going back to school, spend all of my free time with AJ."

I listened to what everyone else was doing... Two were planning weddings, two had just broken up with their boyfriends, nearly all of them were still in school, and they sat around and talked about the "old" times. I heard high school stories of crazy drunkenness and missing articles of clothing.

As the night progressed, I realized how different my life really is from their lives. I feel that way even around my friends from high school and college. I just chose a different route to take, and it led me down some interesting roads. I enjoyed myself, but I mostly felt out of place...the oddball. Of course, I wouldn't change anything. I love what I do and I love my daughter. And even though I wouldn't wish a divorce on my worst enemy, it has shaped me into the person that I am now and I am thankful for that.

I'm glad for the experience of going out with my old friends last night, though. It was good to see them, but it was also nice for me in the aspect that I was hearing all of what they were doing with their lives... All I could think was, "We are so different. There is nothing the same about what we're doing."

I definitely don't walk on the "wild" side, but I chose a unique path for my life. I'm glad I did.

I really have to do something about my relationship with J.

Kevin being gone has given me a little taste of what it's like to truly be on my own with AJ, and I love it. Coming home for vacation has given me a little taste of what it's like to be on my own, as well. It has given me a little taste of what it's like to not have to worry about whether or not I'm spending enough time with J, what I should be doing, what I shouldn't be doing.

It's been on my mind for a while. I just want to be alone now, with my daughter. No relationship, no strings. I don't want to miss out on some of the best times I could have with my daughter because I'm trying to split my time between her and a relationship. I don't want to be constantly reminded of my faults, flaws and downfalls. I don't want to be a charity case because J thinks he can help me or "fix" me, or even save me. I don't want to be another one of his crusades because I still have healing to do from my divorce. I don't want to hear again how there is never enough time for J and I to spend some time together. And I really don't want to hear how something I have done has upset him and all the while, he dismisses anything that he's done and has an excuse for it. I don't want to be on the other side of him taking into consideration other people's opinions more than my own about our relationship. I don't want to spend my time with him and be annoyed at every little thing he does, and I don't want to constantly have the blame pushed on me for everything the way he does. I feel like I am always wrong and always the one at fault because it gets twisted back in my direction. I don't want to hear how "hopeless" he feels about certain things, and I don't want to see his sad-looking face whenever things are not 500% perfect, and I don't want to hear his end-of-the-world viewpoint whenever there are struggles in our relationship. I could go on, but there is no need to. I am exasperated with the whole thing and I realize I would be far more happy NOT in the relationship.

Mentally, I'm done. Mentally, I'm already on my own, single and not hindered by a relationship. But I haven't talked to J yet. I'd do it over the phone, but I feel like it's such a crappy way to do it.

I'm on vacation until Saturday or Sunday. I'm going to enjoy the rest of it. :)

I am on vacation right now, back in lovely Florida...home of humidity, afternoon thunderstorms, dirty barefoot feet and horrible drivers. I am glad to be back. Things have been going smoothly, save for my newly broken pinky toe and my parents' main refrigerator taking a complete crap. (My parents have two refrigerators. They say they got the second one because my brother and his friends eat so much, but we all know it's because my mom likes to buy in bulk!)

My mom decided she wanted to surprise my grandmother because I was home with AJ. She didn't tell anyone that I was coming home so it would be a surprise for everyone. You see, the first time I came home for Christmas after I left home, I pulled a huge prank on my parents. I told them I would be home on one day, but I actually came home a day early. My grandparents were in on this prank. My dad was just confused when I showed up with my best friend, who picked me up at the airport. My mom, however, wasn't home at the time that I arrived, and nearly ran me over with her Expedition when I walked into the garage. Since that time, it has been a constant payback with my grandparents. I've shown up at their home before, unannounced. My mom has invited them over to dinner and I was at home. It's been a onslaught of surprises for them, just to pay them back for this one little thing.

"I have a great idea," my mom said. "I'm going to tell my mom that I finally figured out three-way calling on my cell phone and I'm going to put her through to you. The only thing is, I'm just going to press a few buttons and pretend like it's three-way calling...you can just talk to your grandmother on speaker phone!"

I agreed to this charade, and my mom placed the phone call.

"Hey Mom, I think I figured out three-way calling. I'm sorry if I hang up on you, but I'll call you right back," my mom was telling my grandmother.

My mom hung up on her, on purpose, just for effect. She called my grandmother back and then "put me through" on three-way.

"Oh, this is just great!" my grandmother exclaimed. "We miss out on so much because you aren't in Florida anymore, and we don't get to see AJ very much! It's so nice to talk to everyone at once!"

"Yeah, it sure is great!" I snickered. I made sure to wish her a happy birthday, since I was talking to her on her birthday, which was this past Saturday.

"What is AJ doing?" my grandmother asked.

I told her AJ was just getting into things like she normally did, and then I informed my mom and grandmother that "I had to go" because AJ was "messing stuff up."

I retreated to a bedroom with AJ so that my grandmother could no longer hear AJ telling everything bye-bye, and my mom exclaimed, "Hey, I didn't get to say goodbye! Oh well, I guess I'll call her in a few minutes."

My mom returned a few minutes later and said, "She completely bought it. Let's go."

We all hopped into the truck and drove to my grandparents' house. My grandfather was outside in the yard and clearly didn't even realize that it was me in the passenger seat. My aunt's van was parked outside the house and my mom said, "Oh, she's here, too!" (My grandmother is an identical twin.)

When my grandfather realized that it was me, I put my finger to my lip and said, "Shhh!"

"You can go in through the front door," he said. "Your grandmother and your aunt are at the table."

I walked in the front door with AJ and found my grandmother and my aunt sitting at the table, with their backs to me. My grandma, thinking that it was my grandpa coming in, didn't turn around until I was right up on them.

She gasped and nearly shouted, "Oh my God!" before she started crying.

"What a surprise!" she exclaimed.

My aunt wasn't quite sure what to say, except, "Wow!"

When my grandmother finally found her words again, she said, "This is the best birthday present EVER!"

We sat around and talked for a little while and they fawned over AJ and her chunky little thighs, and my grandpa gave AJ part of a banana to eat. AJ kept creeping up on one of their cats and saying, "Dah! Dah!!!" (That means "dog." To AJ, anything that is furry and has four legs is a dog. Squirrels, cats...doesn't matter. They're all dogs to her!)

All in all, it was a great surprise...I just wonder how many more times we can get away with surprising them without giving them a heart attack!

Work was rather frustrating today. Picture this: your e-mail, which is essential to your job, does not work. The people who are supposed to fix it have no idea what went wrong and cannot find what they need to fix it. After two hours of the run-around and thinking I lost everything, I found out that I could get it back- but it would be a V E R Y long process. I was not allowed to access any of my applications while they fixed my problem. When I left, they were still fixing it.

I took the opportunity to do something that I've been wanting to do ever since I left for the military while I was sitting on my bum doing nothing.

Now, I took college courses and AP courses when I was in high school. Before I left for the military, I got my AA degree...and I was also about a semester away from finishing my degree. After my tech school, I got another AA degree from my schooling. I have absolutely been itching to get back to school. However, it's been difficult. I had no idea where to go, what to do, what I wanted to do. I had no idea if I'd have time, how many credit hours I'd be required to take, etc.

I found that all out today. I registered for classes! I am picking up where I left off!

I still have a few things left to do- make sure my transcripts get transferred over, and make sure that I fax over a form that will allow them to ask for and pay for a copy of my transcripts... And make sure my tuition assistance goes through... But I am registered for a class! It's a silly prerequisite class for taking online courses, because I'm getting my degree through a college that offers online degree programs (American Military University). However, a class is a class. It's only 8 weeks long, completely online, book(s) will be delivered to my door. This clears the way for me to take more classes, all at my leisure...at least for the next three years that I am in the military. Even when I am done with my degree, I can take classes for fun and rack of some more college credits, pursue a master's, and so on.

I wasn't sure if I could do it because of having AJ, but I can do my work after she goes to bed and on the weekends! I called my mom about it.

"Mom!" I said, excitedly, "I'm a student again!"

"What do you mean by that?" my mom asked.

"I registered for a class today."

"What kind of a class?" she asked.

"College. To finish my degree!" I said.

"REALLY? I am so happy that I could cry!"

My mom always knew I'd finish up school and pursue more higher education opportunities, but I don't think she realized I'd do it now, only halfway through my military contract.

Best part about it? Completely FREE for me!

I don't know yet.

The following events played out today.

I dropped AJ off at daycare and stopped by J's apartment to say good morning. We laid in bed for a little while and he told me about a few of the dreams he had. He commented to me that he was so tired and he didn't know why. I took this as my cue to get myself to work.

"I'll let you go back to sleep for a little while then," I said. "I'll see you at work in a little while, ok?"

"Ok," said J.

J showed up at work looking like the world had done him wrong. He was just oozing unhappiness. J sent me an e-mail an hour or two after he'd been at work, commenting on something at Emily's work position. When I replied, I asked him what was wrong with him today. His response was short and simple: "I'm just unhappy."

Well, ok. I am not a mind-reader, and I think I gave him ample opportunity to discuss what was on his mind, but he chose not to. He's been giving me this attitude for the past week. The last time it happened, he told me that he was just really unhappy with the relationship between us because I didn't spend as much time with him as he'd like. Sorry, honey, I have a kid and you bet I'm spending time with her. The relationship nearly ended, and I'm sure it may have if I hadn't said something to the effect of him wanting to end things because they weren't optimal and he'd rather do that than work through the problems to get to a better spot. I have a sinking feeling that the same thing is going on now. He's just been acting mopey and like everyone is doing him wrong.

Instead of letting it bother me today, though, I kept doing my work. Amazing the power you have to opt to be happy, huh? I believe, more and more each day, that happiness is a mature and conscious choice that a person makes.

Anyway, J asked me to make a lunch run with him. I thought he was going to approach the subject with me while we were out, but he didn't. The closest he got was, "So, is there anything you want to talk about?"

Confused about why he was asking me, I replied, "Um, no, not really?" We continued casual conversation, mostly related to government type things and the anniversary of 9-11. Nothing more became of it.

The more I think about it, the more I realize that I'm on the verge of not caring what he wants to do about our relationship. It has been completely on-and-off since it started, mostly because of his own decisions. I stuck around through it all, though. Every other week, I swear he's unhappy about something. Something I've done bothers him. Something I didn't do bothers him. It's not the way he thought it would be. He thinks this, he thinks that. Well, you know what I think? I think I'm damn sick of hearing about all of the things that aren't right and how he's so unhappy because he's choosing to dwell on the temporary negatives. I'm far from perfect, and I have a lot of issues to be dealt with stemming from my divorce...but I've been in enough relationships (and failed relationships) to know what is healthy, what is not healthy and what I do not want in my relationship.

It's really just a matter of time before it comes up again. I'd put an end to it and have the conversation with him on my terms, but I just don't have the energy for it. I'm doing everything I can and probably more than what I should.

I think I just need to be alone for a while. Just me and AJ. Having Kevin gone on leave for 20 whole days (and him supposedly moving out when he gets back) has been rather refreshing. It's been quite the eye-opener, and I am more than content with it being like this for an extended period of time.

I'm happy. No matter what happens, I am happy.

I spent a great portion of my day jumping through the Air Force's hoops so that I can go on leave next week.

I hopped onto the computer to apply for leave through the leave website that we use. It makes things a lot easier than just filling out paperwork. I was just about ready to submit my leave when I remembered that I needed to change the approving official to my new supervisor, SSgt Tracy. J is no longer my supervisor because of the change of rater, so I changed the information to reflect SSgt Tracy's.

I logged off of the computer when I was done and stood up to go back to my desk.

"Crap!" I said out loud.

I logged back on to the computer to fill out my safety sheet, a requirement for going on leave. I finished that up, attached it to an e-mail and sent it to SSgt Tracy saying, "SSgt Tracy, here is my safety sheet for leave."

I logged off, walked back to my desk, and logged onto my computer and sent SSgt Tracy a different e-mail. (The first e-mail was to one domain. This one is to another work-related domain.) I let SSgt Tracy know that I'd applied for leave and sent my safety sheet, if she would so kindly check her other e-mail and approve my leave.

I went about my work, and then decided to check my other e-mail one more time. I'd e-mailed another SSgt in the squadron, asking about taking some classes and I wanted to see if she'd e-mailed me back. Lo and behold, I had an automated response from SSgt Tracy's e-mail waiting for me in my inbox, letting me know that she was going to be on convalescent leave until the end of September.

Fab-u-lous.

If SSgt Tracy wasn't in to approve my leave, who would do it? I thought quickly and realized it would probably be SSgt Tracy's supervisor who would approve me, but I just wanted to make sure. I called the Orderly Room and asked to make sure. It was confirmed for me, so I logged back on to that computer to find my organizational chart to find SSgt Tracy's supervisor.

I went ahead and sent SSgt Tracy's supervisor an e-mail on that domain, letting him know my problem. I clicked "send" and realized I'd forgotten to attach my safety sheet. I opened up another e-mail, attached and sent.

I logged off of that computer and then on to my computer at my position and e-mailed TSgt Shannon, SSgt Tracy's supervisor. I explained to him my situation and asked if I should cancel my previous request and resubmit with him as the approving official. He e-mailed me back promptly and said, "Sure, go ahead and cancel that one. Reapply and put me down. I'll approve it for you."

I ran back to the other computer, logged in, completed the form and submitted it. I logged back on to the computer at my desk and e-mailed TSgt Shannon once more. "I just submitted, thanks for your help."

My leave should be approved tomorrow... I'll be headed to Florida this weekend and I'll spend next week with my family. I'm excited about it. But the Air Force? Not so excited about that right now. Apparently, the military has never heard of consolidation. I have way too many log-ons, way too many accounts, and far too many passwords.

Speaking of passwords, the keypad at AJ's daycare was replaced and we have a new code to get in now. Just what I need, right?

There was a new lady at daycare today; she was a very pleasant and bold lady. She was changing AJ's diaper when I walked in and she called to me, "Mama, she is over here! I've got her! I know she's yours because you two look exactly alike!"

"Thank you," I said, smiling.

AJ's eyes lit up and she struggled to get away from the daycare lady so that she could come see me.

"AJ is such a little helper!" the daycare lady said. "She helped me hand out toys to the other kids, and she helped me hand out papers!"

"Is that right?" I questioned. I had a hard time imagining AJ doing something like that. She generally gives up whatever she's playing with if you ask her for it, but she has her moments where she likes to tease you. She does this thing where she'll hold out a toy and whenever you reach for it and thank her for being so nice, she'll snatch it back and grin devilishly. It's quite amusing.

AJ and I came home and we played for a little while. I started cooking dinner- lasagna, because J was coming over. I'd promised that I would cook lasagna for him, so tonight was the night. J came over while the food was in the oven. We enjoyed dinner, and it was very yummy if I do say so myself. Lasagna is definitely not as hard as what people make it out to be...slightly time consuming, but otherwise very easy.

There was not much in the way of conversation tonight. I didn't really have a ton to say, and I was starting to wish he would just leave. I just wanted to be by myself with my kiddo and not feel like I had to entertain someone. It's becoming increasingly difficult to keep up with our relationship. We have good times and then we have not so good times. I'm all about working through the not so good times, but he gets a little oversensitive and overreacts when we're not having good times. It's starting to get frustrating to me. He airs his grievances with me, but he hasn't yet learned when to keep certain things to himself and which battles to fight. Such is life, I suppose.

It seems as though I have finished out today with one more duty added to the list of things that I do for my job. Not that I am complaining, though...this is actually a good one. I think.

J got an e-mail from Laura today. Laura is a woman that we work with up north, who is essentially one of our "bosses" that we answer to. Laura recently handed down some new duties, since we have a new person with us. Cori is the new person working with J and me. She's not really new, because she was working the other mission...the one that I worked before the new mission. She was always on the other side of the divider, but now she sits next to me. Anyway, Laura e-mailed J and asked him to be the point of contact (POC) between the folks up north and the folks down here for our part of the mission.

I was sitting at my position with my cans on, sifting through all of the new stuff we've got on our plates. I was happily click-clicking away and I saw J look at me out of the corner of my eye. I stopped what I was doing and looked at him, as if to say, "Yes? I saw you look at me, what do you want?"

J motioned me over to the e-mail he had open and said, "I'm just letting you know about this."

What I read was from Laura, asking J to be the new POC to avoid confusion and conflict. She also asked if he was ok with this. I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Yeah, ok. That's fine."

"I was just letting you know," repeated J.

To be honest, I was slightly irritated by it. For one thing, I have this insatiable urge to know stuff before everyone else... Being the POC, I would get to do that. Another reason why it irritated me is because Laura had always called J in the past to inform him to inform the rest of us about something new that had come up. In short, all I was getting from J was, "Hey, Laura needs this done." and that's it. No deadline, no specific instructions... It usually ended up that I asked way too many questions because J didn't know the right questions to ask Laura. The third reason why I was irritated by it was because out of everyone doing my job- a very large THREE people, haha- I am the only one who has actually met Laura face to face. In fact, I'm the only one out of all three who has met the other people on our mission face to face. I came back from my TDY saying that I had a greater understanding of how to work with everyone else because I knew them on a more personal level. I also said that I wanted to keep the lines of communication open between us and them, because it makes for an easier job.

So, there I was... J showing me that Laura asked for him to be the POC. I shrugged off my irritation and got back to work. A few minutes later, I caught J looking in my direction again. I tried to pretend like I didn't see him because I just wanted to keep working on my stuff without being interrupted. J slowly wheeled his chair back so that I could see him.

I stopped what I was doing, took my headphones off and waited for him to tell me what was on his mind.

"I just e-mailed Laura back asking for her to make you the POC," he said.

I stared at him blankly, wondering why he'd seemingly made a production out of showing me Laura's e-mail in which he was asked to be the POC, only to ask that Laura make me the POC.

"Well," J said, "You know the right questions to ask, you won't put off doing something, you'll get the information to the right people, you actually know these people personally, and I have too much other stuff to do, and it may interfere with me being a POC. Quite honestly, I think Laura only asked me out of respect because I outrank you, but you're clearly the one that is best suited for the job."

"Ok," I said, trying to hide the smile on my face. I was glad that he didn't take on that responsibility and that he was willing to admit I was the one that was better for the job.

We still haven't heard back from Laura, but I doubt there will be any hesitation on her part in making me the POC. Tomorrow, I suppose...

I heard three dreadful words last night.

"Can we talk?" Kevin asked me. This meant that he had been thinking, probably about custody, and he wanted to plead his case to me once more...in my opinion, to get out of the child support payments.

I was correct in guessing what the conversation would be about. He talked about custody, and what our respective plans for the future were, because what I may be doing with my future has an effect on where he may decide to live. To shorten that part of the conversation, I gave him a big, "I don't know, we'll cross that bridge whenever we come to it." I'd prefer to not discuss it until we have to... Partially because we're still under the same roof, and partially because he's going to get exactly what he signed the papers for. If he didn't like the arrangement, he could have fought it. He chose not to.

The conversation ended up going down the "I still care about you." road. I think he feels guilty for turning my road upside down because he is simply immature. That's great. I'll let him feel guilty...he should feel guilty. He fed me a lot of lines that I don't believe. He opened up a lot of my wounds that were healing. I hate revisiting them, but I suppose it is a part of the healing process. In hindsight (and because I am not really emotionally charged about this conversation anymore) it was probably a good thing that we were able to talk. It'll probably set us on the right road for developing a civil relationship with each other. It's a small bit of progress, but it is progress nonetheless.

In other news, AJ has a boo-boo. I noticed it the second I peered into the door when I picked her up from daycare.

"Heyyyy, AJ!" I exclaimed as I picked her up. I immediately looked to the daycare lady for an explanation.

"It just happened," she said, without me even having to ask about it. "She was playing with the chair, and it flipped over. She lost her balance and hit her nose on the chair."

I could see the bruising on the bridge of her nose, and I wondered if she would get black eyes from her boo-boo. I checked her pupils to make sure they weren't dilating.

"How long ago did it happen?" I asked.

"It happened at about 3:30."

I glanced at the clock and noticed it said 3:33. It had literally just happened. I looked at AJ again and noticed she didn't look like she had been crying too much. She smiled her toothy, devilish little grin at me.

"You're ok, right, sweetie pie?"

AJ looked at me like I was crazy.

"Let's go home!" I said. "Bye bye!"

AJ waved her arm wildly and giggled a little bit.

When I got home, I put a couple ice cubes in a plastic bag and tried to put some ice on her face. I realized quickly that it wouldn't work. What kid wants a plastic bag full of ice held to the bridge of her nose?? I concluded that AJ was ok and she would just have a small battle wound from her "fight" with the chair. She didn't seem bothered by it, so why should I? The daycare lady was very apologetic about it, but I explained to her that AJ was fairly resilient and I couldn't be bothered to wrap my child up in bubble wrap and coddle her every step of the way...you miss out on the joys of parenthood if you're over-cautious, I explained.

I keep asking myself that question...why? Why do I clean? My pregnancy flipped a switch in me and turned me into a nearly-OCD cleaning queen.

The only problem with that? Uh, I have a kid.

It's been about 13 months since I had my daughter, and the OCD-like tendencies to clean haven't left me. And kids? They're messy. I don't care if AJ gets messy. She's washable, and she loves the bath. But it irks me if other stuff gets messy.

AJ's highchair, for instance. I'd pretty much given up on that highchair. The cloth cover is washable, so I toss that in the washer every week. The pad, you can wipe that off. But there is a constant battle with the crumbs. They fall everywhere, get stuck in nooks and crannies. I threw my hands up, waved the white flag...the highchair had won. I couldn't keep it clean anymore.

I still had some fight left in me, though. That brings me to today. I sat AJ down in the kitchen and pulled two magnets down on the refrigerator. They were just out of her reach on the fridge, so while she was busy trying to reach them, I started cleaning. (Hey, teasing her with the magnets, I say that's a pretty creative way of keeping your kid in one spot!)

I had my broom in hand... Off with the cover, into the washer. Off with the padding, into the sink. I tipped the highchair over and dumped the crumbs out. Cheerios, pretzel chunks, puffs and Goldfish were strewn across my floor. I sprayed the highchair down, in an attempt to get off any dried bits of whatever.

I heard that all-familiar buzzing sound...my cell phone was about to ring. This ain't about me and this ain't about you, or the good and the bad times we've both been through... My Bon Jovi ringtone starts singing at me.

"Hello?"

It was my mom. I started telling her about how I was cleaning the highchair and then I told her about how AJ had figured out how to make the windows in the backseat of my truck go up and down, so now I had to use the window lock to keep her from messing around with it.

I took my eyes off of AJ for only a second to answer my phone. The next thing I know, she's studying the pile of tidbits that were all over the floor, waiting to be swept up.

"AJ! NO! What are you doing?!" I exclaimed.

Her eyes got big and she stood up completely and pointed her finger at me.

"Sweetie, I know it looks yummy, but I don't want you to touch it. It's dirty, ok?"

"Dat?" AJ asked me.

"That's right, baby girl. Don't touch that."

AJ shook her head no at me wildly and let out her signature Tarzan yell before she found her way back to the refrigerator. My mom was snickering on the other end of the telephone line.

I continued to talk to my mom, sweep up the mess, and keep an eye on Autumn. Before I knew it, she was back in the living room, dragging toys everywhere and throwing her "ba" (ball) at the window.

"Mom," I said, "I don't know why I bother to keep cleaning. Shouldn't I just wait ten years for AJ to know better? Then I'll do a really deep cleaning...?"

"You know you couldn't wait that long. You only wish you could," my mom said to me. "You start to tick whenever you see things that need to be cleaned up."

"I know," I sighed, as I watched AJ press her face up against the glass on the door to the backyard.

I finished talking to my mom, as I watched AJ figure out that she could press her face to the glass and blow, and it would make a funny sound. I got a kick out of it, but made a mental note to clean the window later.

AJ walked back over to me and grunted, pointing at the window.

"I know, sweetie," I said. "You were playing with the window. Yay!"

AJ clapped her hands and then flailed her arms, and ran back over to the window. Once again, she pressed her face up against it and blew, and then laughed. She looked back over at me, pointed to the drool spots now gracing my window and said, "Mama! Uhhhhh oh!"

I couldn't help but smile. "That's right, AJ," I said. "Uh oh!"

Maybe she's more like me than I thought...

I've found that one of the greatest joys in raising my daughter is watching her learn. And oh my, does she learn quickly!

I took AJ to Target today for a shopping trip, but mostly just to get out of the house for a little while. I decided while I was there, I would buy AJ her own pillow.

Some months back, when I was visiting my family back home, AJ took to one of my mom's pillows. It was an over-sized pillow, made for the couch, and it has a blue and green plaid print all over it. This pillow developed a hole, in which the stuffing would occasionally start to come out. Since AJ loved this pillow so much, my mom made sure to pack it in my truck for the trip home. AJ has since had the time of her life, playing with this pillow.

"AJ, ohhh, Mommy's pillow!" is how I used to tease her. AJ would come over to me quickly and try to bulldoze me off of her pillow. She was much too young to have a pillow of her own in her crib, so it always stayed out in the living room, where the rest of her toys were.

She recently developed a cough, which turned into a cold. One night, she couldn't stop coughing, so I decided to put the pillow in her crib to elevate her slightly. It did the trick, and since she's a bit older now, I decided that it wouldn't do any harm for her to keep the pillow. After all, she seemed to never end up sleeping on it for very long anyway.

Yesterday morning, I discovered that AJ had figured out the hole in the pillow. I found a mound of pillow stuffing hidden behind her crib. I decided it was time for AJ to get a new pillow.

I found a cheap pillow at Target, and AJ immediately decided it was hers, whether I liked it or not. She kept turning around in the cart and patting the pillow.

"Pah pah. Pah pah!" she said.

"That's right, AJ. That's a pillow! That's YOUR pillow." I responded.

"Pahpahpahpah." She looked at me and smiled. People were starting to look in my direction because AJ was starting to babble noisily.

"Mama, pah pah!"

I grinned, and praised her for knowing what a pillow was. AJ then pointed at herself and said, "Baybahhh!"

"YAY, AJ! You're the baby! That's good!" I couldn't help but smile and be excited. I probably sounded like the biggest dope in the world, but I didn't care. I think that on most days, I have a more intelligent conversation with my one year old than I do some of the people that I know in passing.

AJ continued to point at things and babble. It seems like just yesterday that she started to talk and make intelligible sounds. I've watched her blossom into this sweet little chatterbox. It's amazing, I tell you. Absolutely amazing.

It has been a whirlwind over the past few days. On Wednesday morning, I left for a two-day TDY to Maryland. It was very go-go-go, with little time to even blink or breathe. The good part about it was that I got a lot of information, met a lot of cool people, and even got a fabulous job offer if I decide to not reenlist in three years. The plane rides up were nice, but the plane rides back down here were terrible. Bad weather, turbulence, and nearly-missed flights. While I was waiting for a delayed flight, Kevin called me.

"Hey, our air conditioning is broken," he said.

I quickly questioned him about it. Was it blowing hot air? Was it just not working at all? Was the thermostat working? He said the AC had just not kicked on at all that day. I went through all of the possible fixes for him: flip the AC breakers, flip the furnace breaker, replace the batteries in the thermostat, check the filters. As I was telling him all of this, I wondered to myself, "How was I ever married to such an incompetent person?" It seems like the roles had been reversed. I knew what I was doing, and he needed someone to hold his hand through it because he didn't know.

I came home to a stuffy house- a cluttered, stuffy house. I was upset about it, and I definitely let a few people know about it. However, all was well again when I saw my sweet angel. She was sweating, in her crib, and sound asleep. I brushed her hair off of her face and said goodnight to her.

AJ let me sleep until about 7:00am this morning. I was drifting in and out of sleep when she started to stir. I rolled over and saw her standing up in her crib, looking over at me.

"Good morning, baby girl!" I said. She smiled at me and reached her arms out. I rolled out of bed and picked her up and told her how much I'd missed her. She was a happy little baby. I put her down on her changing pad and said, "AJ, I need you to sit down so that I can change your diaper."

AJ plopped her butt down, and I sat down with her and sang her good morning song to her. It's the same song that my mom used to sing to me when I was a little kid. AJ smiled at me and clapped her hands.

We went grocery shopping, and I went in to work for a few minutes to delete my e-mails so that I wouldn't be on e-mail overload when I go back to work on Tuesday. The AC is now fixed- temporarily, that is. I need to call an electrician.

As I said, it was a whirlwind few days. I was so exhausted earlier today that I took a nap. Highly uncharacteristic of me. I can remember the last times that I took a nap very distinctly. One was when I had a stomach virus and was puking for the better part of 24 hours. It was the sickest I've ever been, and I couldn't do anything but lay in bed and sleep all day long. The time before that was when I was nine months pregnant with AJ, and just so tired.

All in all, my TDY was amazing and quite useful. I am certainly glad to be back home, though- with my daughter, because I missed her so much.

Kevin stayed at home with AJ while she was napping this morning and I had a chance to go out alone for a little while. When I came home, I started my Sunday cleaning routine. This time, it started with retrieving the garbage can from the backyard because Kevin never put it back out front like I asked him to. (Kevin, being the slick one he is, put a gallon of sour milk in the garbage can, the container busted open, and Kevin put it in the backyard to rinse off with a hose, and never returned it to its home near the garage.)

When I came back in, I went about my business like normal, cleaning up the kitchen. I reminded myself, I'd seen a clump of something in the hallway. Kevin vacuumed this morning, so I thought that it was nothing more than a balled up piece of thread from when I was doing the laundry. I bent down to pick it up and then I realized that it was definitely not a piece of thread or a clump of anything.

"OH. MY. GOD. How...?" I uttered.

Kevin heard me and got up and came over to investigate.

"Is that a scorpion?" asked Kevin.

"Uh, yeah." I responded.

"How did that get there?" Kevin wanted to know.

"I have no idea...." I said, as I raced to the bedroom to wake up AJ.

My sweet little AJ was fast asleep in her crib, and she was none too happy when I scooped her up and put her on my bed, examining her body.

The scorpion was no more than an inch or so long, and it was nearly dead whenever we found it. Kevin and I concluded that someone must have stepped on it, because it looked slightly smushed.

We still have no explanation of how it got there- our guesses are either on the bottom of someone's shoe, or maybe it got stuck to my pants when I was in the backyard, and I stepped on it once it had fallen off.

"Don't throw it away!" I yelled to Kevin, as I was giving AJ's body the once over. I looked for anything swollen, red, welted, bitten or out of the ordinary. I even looked in her mouth. I found nothing, which meant that AJ never encountered this small creature that was trespassing inside my house.

"Why don't you want me to throw it away?" asked Kevin.

"I'm going to take a picture of it," I said.

That's what I did. I called up my mom immediately and said, "Mom, guess what I just found in my house?"

"What did you find in your house?" she asked me, curiously.

"Just guess, Mom!"

"I don't know. A scorpion?"

"WHAT?! How did you know that?!" I exclaimed. At times like that, I wonder if my mom is psychic.

"Well," she said, "your dad and I found a snake in our garage yesterday, so I knew the odds of it being a snake were slim to none. So, scorpion was my best guess."

"Yeah, I found a half-dead scorpion when I got home," I told my mom.

She told me I should think about getting some bug spray and spraying outside just in case there are more around the house. It's not a bad idea at all.

I'm just glad that I discovered it before AJ did.

J and I went grocery shopping together this morning. It seems to me that it is becoming a tradition, a weekly occurrence for us. I don't mind.

AJ was slightly irritating this morning, but she's coming down with a cold, so I suppose it's only natural for her to be whiny and fidgety. I was looking at tennis shoes for her, because she can't wear her baby Crocs all the time. J took AJ out of the cart and let her run around a little bit. AJ was happily toddling around while saying, "Tappy tappy tappy tappy." I still have no idea what it means.

All of the sudden, AJ made a sharp turn and made a beeline for the big aisle. J followed her and bent down to scoop her up before she ran wildly through the store. As J bent down, there was a distinctive ripping sound. It seemed like it happened in slow motion... I heard the rip, saw J's jeans split apart in the butt area, and he shot up, grabbed the back of his pants and looked at me with his jaw dropped. He immediately pulled down the back of his shirt with one hand and tried to give AJ back to me.

I was doubled over in laughter, and I could barely breathe. I wanted to offer to go grab a pair of shorts for J in the men's clothing section, but I couldn't get anything out. Meanwhile, J was still standing there, in absolute shock. He piled his stuff into my cart and said, "Would you please just pay for this stuff for me?"

"Where are you going?" I asked. "What's going on?"

"I am getting the hell out of here!" J said.

"No, no. Don't do that. There's a men's clothing section over there. Let's just get a pair of shorts and we can finish our shopping. You can change in the bathroom," I said.

"Ok," J said, as he handed me his credit card. "Go get me some shorts, I'll be here with AJ."

I ran to go get him some shorts, and returned in about five minutes. I still could not contain myself, and I giggled uncontrollably when I played the scene over in my head again.

"Here are your shorts," I gasped, while I was laughing.

J went to go change, and he emerged from the bathroom with his ripped pants in hand.

"That has only happened to me one other time before. I was a teenager and I ripped my pants one day," he said. "Only this time, it just had to happen when I wasn't wearing any underwear."

I laughed a little more and finally said, "Man, I thought that kind of thing only happened in the movies!"

I was paid a visit today by MSgt Calderon, one of my flight chiefs. I recently tested for E-5, and missed the cut-off by 18 points. (Keep in mind, the highest score possible on this is 410. The cut-off was 278. I scored a 260.) I took my E-5 promotion test with the mindset, "If I make it, it was meant to be. If I don't make it, I will fully enjoy being an E-4 for another year without the extra responsibilities." I didn't study much for the test, to be honest, because I felt overwhelmed with everything in my life- divorce, becoming a single parent, starting a new mission, new relationship, etc. Taking on new job responsibilities was the last thing I wanted. Anyway, MSgt Gleason (another flight chief) had sent out an e-mail the day before stating that all E-4's who had tested for E-5 but did not make the cut-off needed to see a flight chief just to make sure that they had done everything they could to encourage promotion, studying, etc. I took care of this suspense right away.

That brings me to MSgt Calderon's visit. She rounded the corner, into my section of the office, and I immediately thought, "Uh oh...what did I forget to do? Am I in trouble?"

She said she needed to talk to me, and it was in reference to the promotion testing. I chose my words carefully and let her know that I had seen MSgt Gleason about it already. She seemed pleasantly surprised that it was taken care of already, and she smiled.

J spoke up and said, "Hey, MSgt Calderon, can I talk to you later? Say about 1445?"

"Sure, you know my office extension, just give me a call before you come."

I didn't think too much of it, honestly. J has a lot of responsibilities and I figured it was just another one of those things that he needed to take care of. It wasn't until a few hours later that I realized that J had asked to speak with MSgt Calderon to start "change of rater" paperwork. You see, J is my Air Force supervisor. Having a relationship with your Air Force supervisor is in violation of Air Force standards. In order for us not to be in violation, we either have to change supervisors/subordinates or end the relationship. Ending the relationship has never seemed to work for us, as made evident by the last "break" we took- it lasted like, what? 10 hours? So, J wanted to approach MSgt Calderon about this change of rater business.

It wasn't until I left for the day that I realized how devastating this may end up being. I nearly freaked out in the parking lot, and thought about running back into the building to try to stop J from doing it. I was convinced for a while that MSgt Calderon would look at J and say, "Ha, what? You two work side by side, a change of rater might change your supervisory position over her, but you can't have a relationship with her anyway because you work in the same office." I was a nervous wreck for the better part of this afternoon.

When J finally got home, he called me.

"How are you?" he asked.

"That depends," I said.

"On what?" he replied.

"On what happened with MSgt Calderon this afternoon."

"Oh, that," he said. "Everything is ok."

I breathed a heavy sigh of relief and blurted out that I had been so nervous that I thought about going back to talk him out of it.

J laughed and said, "So, do you want to hear the whole story?"

"I do," I said. "But you'll have to tell me in a little while because I decided we're going out for Chinese tonight."

I threw on some decent clothes and ran out the door. J told me the story once I got to his apartment. It turns out that MSgt Calderon didn't ask any questions and said they do changes like these "all the time." J didn't have to explain anything, didn't have to justify and didn't even have to say who his "unprofessional" relationship was with.

J also said the funny thing was that MSgt Calderon knew already. Apparently, MSgt Calderon had a "hunch" that something was up but had no evidence to back it up. J thinks that this "hunch" was based solely on a flight get-together that happened back near Easter. J and I were not together at that point- in fact, it was the first time we'd ever spent time together out of work. We had dinner together that same night, and realized how much in common we had. If not for that flight get-together, we wouldn't be together right now.

Long story made short, J and I will be free to pursue a relationship- a public relationship- when this paperwork is finalized. It is a weight off of my shoulders, and his, too.

We spent the rest of dinner dreaming up ways to shock our co-workers and friends with the public debut of our relationship. We're starting the debut tomorrow with Janet- we're going to the movies together, and this should make for an interesting story.

I went into work late today because I had a PT eval that I needed to take care of (PASSED!) so I was in a hurry when I left home after my shower to go back to post. I completely forgot to fix something for my lunch to bring with me. Feeling this intense need to celebrate a passing PT score, which was something that had been slightly out of reach ever since I had my daughter, I suggested to J that we go get some Zaxby's for lunch. After all, isn't getting fried chicken and fries the best way to celebrate your physical fitness?

J was running around all morning long, and we had a teleconference with some folks up north. After that was said and done, I looked at J and said, "Hey, Zaxby's? Now?"

"No, let me go talk to Janet first."

I knew what he wanted to talk to her about. Her attitude has been rather sour lately, and she's been giving everyone smart ass remarks. It's not exactly the best way to approach people in the military, and J wanted to give her a heads-up on the fact that if she continued, she would not get good feedback from other people.

I asked J, "Well, how long will you be?"

"15 minutes. 20 minutes, max," said J.

"Ok, I'll go ahead and ask if anyone else in the office wants us to bring back anything for them."

J left the office, and I asked everyone if they wanted anything. Four people in the office decided they were up for some Zaxby's, too, so I took their money and their orders, even asking in a joking tone, "Hey, would you like fries with that?!"

15 minutes come and go. 20 minutes come and go. I found the people that placed lunch orders and said, "I'm sorry, guys, I'm waiting for J to come back. He should be back any minute, and then we're leaving." More time passes. Where is he?

Finally, Emily said to me, "This is silly. Let's go. He's taking too long."

I hesitated to say yes, mostly because I wanted to go with J because it would give us a few minutes of one on one time in the middle of a work day. I also didn't want to upset him by going if he was hoping for the same thing. On the other hand, though, he said 15 minutes, and it had taken MUCH longer than that. I decided I'd just order his meal for him and hope that he was back by the time we got back.

Emily and I talked a little bit on the way to Zaxby's, mostly about how men don't think about the same things women do. We also both realized that time was a big pet peeve of ours. If you're late, that's not good. If you give a time, make sure you stick to it. J did not do that today. Minus 10 points for him!

When we got back, J was still not there. Sandy, one of the bosses in our shop, said that she had seen J and he was still talking to Janet. J eventually showed back up, looking ashamed that he had taken so long. He stared at his box of food, back at me, and smiled sheepishly. He was about to say something to me, which I was sure would include an apology, an explanation and then a tangent that he'd gotten himself on to.

"Just say 'Thank you.' and eat your food, J," I said.

He opened his mouth to argue with me about it, but then stopped himself.

"Thank you," he said to me.

"You're welcome," I responded. I couldn't resist getting a small little dig in there, just because the joking between us is so good-natured. "Sorry if it's cold. It's been sitting there for like, 15 minutes."

A word of advice, in case my readers aren't aware: phone calls at 1:30am in which you talk about the status of your relationship are generally not a good idea. I'm beginning to wonder if I was the last to find out about this.

J and I had been on rocky ground as of late, and it finally came to a head last night...or rather, early this morning. All I was getting from him was, "I just want to pop the hood on our relationship, take a look around, find the problem and fix it."

"Ok," I said. "I think we should take a break for a while. Call it off. Figure stuff out."

A lot was said, probably too much was said. Nothing terrible, nothing horrible. It wasn't a break-up, really...merely "take a break" from it all.

In the past few months, this has happened a handful of times. J and I had both gotten out of relationships...a serious relationship on his part, my own marriage crumbled before my eyes because Kevin dropped a bomb on me and then refused to seek help and refused to work through it. We took comfort in each other, which we both decided there was nothing wrong with. In the process, a relationship bloomed, and over the past few months, it has evolved. We've entered the difficult stage of our relationship. He wants more of my time, and I can only give him so much because I do have my daughter to think about and she is my top priority. As a result of that, things have been rocky.

Anyway, back to what I was saying- the status of our relationship has been on again/off again quite a few times, but it seems like in a matter of a few days, we end up exactly where we started- falling for each other even harder and realizing that we don't want to be without each other.

Staying true to the way we've been doing things, we went from calling it off at 1:30am this morning to deciding to come back to it and work through it around 11:30 today. Wow, new record for us. Not even 12 hours.

"How are you feeling?" he asked me, when we were taking a break from work today.

"Not very good," I responded. The conversation continued, and soon thereafter, I suppose we had arrived at our decision to see it through.

While I'm on the subject of seeing things through, I really hope AJ's teething tapers off because I am questioning my ability to see things through. My sweet little angel baby has turned into true spawn of the devil over the course of the past week. She went from sort of cranky to full-on cranky, and then straight on to pick-me-up, put-me-down, cry-cry-cry, scream-tantrum-wail, whine-boohoo-whine and waking up FOUR TIMES last night.

Dear God, please let this tooth pop through and let her be done with it. I can't even see anything going on in her mouth. I thought I felt a little nub on top, but I am beginning to wonder if it was just wishful thinking...

A few days ago, Kevin was in the kitchen fixing himself some dinner. He held up a bag of frozen something and said, "Hey, you'd probably like this. This buffalo-stuff is pretty good, and since you don't eat a whole lot of meat, this would probably last you a while."

I prefer to cook my own chicken, instead of buying the pre-breaded, high-cal chicken that he buys, so I simply said, "Cool, thanks for the heads up on that."

Today, Kevin was fixing his usual dinner of frozen meat and frozen potatoes- very typical of a man, I suppose, who believes that the five food groups are steak, fried chicken, potatoes, cookies and carbonated, sugary drinks. He gave AJ a bath while his food was in the oven, and then I took over baby-entertaining duties.

AJ is cutting more teeth, I think, so she's been extra cranky lately and very needy with attention. She has been very me-me-me in the past few days when she is normally a very happy, content baby to play by herself while I am in close proximity.

Anyway, I'm sitting in the foyer area with AJ and Kevin pipes up:

"Man, this buffalo is so good. I don't know if it's naturally spicy or if they make it that way, but it's really good."

Thinking I may have heard him wrong, I ask him to repeat himself.

"I said that this buffalo was really good, but I don't know if they're naturally spicy or not."

I examined the contents of his plate and found nothing that looked like buffalo to me. All I saw were chicken tenders and fries on his plate. It dawned on me at that second that it was chicken-- buffalo chicken.

I tried my hardest to mask the smile that was quickly spreading across my face, and I tried my hardest to say what I said next without giggling.

"You know that's chicken, right?"

"What? I thought it was buffalo. The bag said..."

Kevin went to the kitchen, attempting to fish the bag out of the trash can.

"I already took the trash out," I called from the living room area.

"Oh. Ok. Well, are you sure? I'm pretty sure the bag said buffalo on it," said Kevin.

"Yeah, it did. Buffalo chicken. Buffalo chicken is spicy," I said. "What you are eating is chicken. Not buffalo. Buffalo meat is not white meat. Buffalo is red meat, and it looks like hamburger."

Kevin looked perplexed, and then shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever it is, it tastes good."

I walked out of his line of sight, rolled my eyes and smiled to myself about what had just happened.

"Oh, and by the way..." I said, "buffalo meat is not naturally spicy."

It all started to go a little crazy when I was just about to go to bed on Friday night. That's when I ended up talking to J, and our relationship nearly ended because we were both letting it affect the work environment too much. In many ways, we're both equally at fault for it. I couldn't even say anything when he asked me if I thought we should halt the relationship, if only for a few weeks.

Truth be told, it wasn't because I was stunned, or even upset by it. I just didn't care. I would miss the relationship, but at least I wouldn't feel guilty about not giving him all of my time because I spend so much of it with AJ. I still maintain that my current living arrangements have a lot to do with the tension between us right now.

In the end, I think we both got out what we needed to and things are continuing on their merry way.

Come Saturday, AJ and I went grocery shopping, and then Emily and I went to the mall so that I could use part of my Victoria's Secret giftcard. I wish I could say that the friendship between Emily and I was an interesting one, but it's not. It's simple.

I didn't like her at first. Emily seemed very stubborn and strong-willed. Seemed? What am I talking about? Emily is very stubborn and strong-willed. However, after being around her enough, I realized that my first impression was much too harsh. And I nearly never disagreed with her on anything. Emily and I get along well, and I think that we share a common bond with motherhood. I am a mother, and Emily desperately wants to be a mother.

Over lunch, we talked about family a little bit. We eventually got on the topic of friends.

"I don't have a lot of female friends around here," stated Emily. "It's hard to be in our career field, moving around. You do lose some of your close female friends."

"I understand that," I said. "I don't have a lot of female friends around here, either. I know a lot of females, I'd say they're my friends, but what it boils down to is that I don't want to hang out with most of them because we have nothing in common."

"Yep. I hear that," said Emily.

"I mean, really," I continued. "There aren't a lot of girls I'd call up and say, 'Hey, want to go to the mall with me? I need to go bra shopping!' like I called you."

Emily smiled and reached down to pick up a piece of chicken that AJ had spit out of her mouth- such a lady, my daughter!

I spent time with J later that afternoon, watching MXC. It was a nice visit, but that's really about it. I can't put my finger on it, though. I don't know if I really feel the way I do, or if it's just a phase that I'm going through, but that break doesn't sound so bad to me. I'm kind of tired of feeling the pressure to be in two places at once.

I stayed at home today- all day long. I spent my day prepping food for meals during the week and playing with AJ. It seems as though she is cutting teeth again- or at least, I sure hope she is. Runny nose, gnawing on her hands, slight fever, drool factor times 1,000... Here's hoping she's not coming down with something.

...or at least, there is good in mankind in the South.

J and I went out to dinner tonight, and I brought AJ with me. We decided on Tony Roma's, mostly because J wanted their salmon. It worked for me because I just wanted a hamburger. AJ was giggling up a storm and eating the food I brought for her so she wouldn't be grabby when we got our food.

J and I were conversing with one another when a waiter from another table came up to us.

"One of my customers asked me to give this to you all."

He handed us a coupon for five dollars off our meal.

"Oh, thank you! Please tell them thank you for us," I said.

J was facing the direction in which the waiter was headed to go tell the folks that we said thank you. I told J, "Gosh, I hope it was no one that we know." I only say that because J and I should technically not be seen out together still. He's still my supervisor, which should be changing soon. J said it didn't look like anyone we knew.

"I don't recognize any of them, and the guy is definitely not in the military. His facial hair is not in regs," J mumbled.

"Well, I guess that's good," I responded.

"I wonder why they gave it to us?"

I shrugged my shoulders and told J that they were just being nice.

"I wonder if they think we're poor," said J. "Or maybe it's because we have a little kid with us."

"I highly doubt they thought anything about monetary situations and neither of us look like we're hurting for money. It was more than likely because we do have a small child with us, and people who are parents like to help other parents out and do nice things for them," I said.

J, who is not a parent, kind of looked at me quizzically.

"It's true," I said. "But regardless, it was a nice thing for them to do, and it brightened my day."

We continued with our meal, and I told J, "Hey, when they get up to leave, let me know so I can see them when they walk out the door, ok?" J said that he would, so we kept talking about other things. Some time later, J motioned to me that they were leaving. I tried to turn around without being obvious about it and I saw a middle-aged couple with a teenage son leaving. The son and the woman were already out the door when the man turned around and waved at us.

"Hey, y'all have a good night, ok?" he said, raising his voice so that he could be heard over the clamor.

"Thank you, you too!" I said to him, with a smile on my face.

He left, and I turned back to J.

"This is why I'm really glad I got stationed near home. People are like this down here. I've given people coupons so many times and nothing beats seeing a smile on their face when they realize some stranger was directing a random act of kindness in their direction," I said.

J looked surprised. "This kind of thing doesn't happen back home, you know."

"I know," I said. "But it happens here. That's why I love this place."

I was anxiously watching the clock at work today. 8:23am. 9:38am. 10:40am. 11:07am. 11:45am.

I decided it was time. It was time for me to walk downstairs so that I could give the biggest, most important briefing I will probably ever give in my career in the Intel field.

The briefing was at 12:10, and he was on a tight schedule. I was anticipating the briefing, knowing that I knew what I needed to say forward and backward. Only two people in the whole world hold the position that I currently hold. The other person (besides me) sits right next to me every single day. J.

I was also anticipating this because the visit got canceled at the last minute a few weeks ago. I was disappointed, and I thought for a bit that I'd never get the chance to do it.

12:10 rolls around and we get the news... "You've been pushed back until after 3pm."

Wait! He leaves at 4:15 to get on a plane and go back to his home base... Will I have time?

I go back to work and attempt to distract myself from the nagging feeling that I was getting that I was going to be left off of the schedule because there simply wouldn't be enough time.

1:34pm. 2:08pm. 3:00pm. The telephone rings.

"Hello?"

"Get down here, quick! He's coming!"

I high-tail it out of the office and get down to the room in record time. My bosses breath a sigh of relief, and wide smiles wash over their faces.

"Stand next to me," Emily says. "I don't want to be alone! I'm nervous."

"You'll do fine," I tell Emily. "You'll set the standard high for me...what an act to follow!"

The door to the room slowly opens, and he walks in...

Who is "he"?

The Director of the National Security Agency. Boss of all bosses in my job field. A three-star general. LTG Alexander. He glided into the room coolly, and reached out his hand. Emily shakes his hand and introduces herself. I'm next, and I introduce myself.

The briefing goes off without a hitch. WHAM! BAM! I know my stuff forward and backward, and I impress the hell out of this guy. I get a coin from him, a thank you, and compliments on how impressed he is with the work that I'm doing. A compliment from the Director of the NSA! Are you kidding me?

Not only was I the only Air Force person to brief him during his visit, but I was also the youngest and lowest ranking military service member that spoke to him. And apparently, the most impressive, by his standards.

"Thank you, SrA R," the Director says.

"No, thank you, sir. Pleasure meeting you."

I can't be totally sure about this, but I may be reveling in this one-in-a-lifetime moment for a little while.